Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said that “[a] man’s manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.” How we conduct ourselves in the company of others reveals a great deal about the kind of person that we are. They are a genuine reflection of our own character.
But that is not how everyone views manners. It is fashionable in some circles to suggest that manners are just lipstick on a pig—an incongruous and disingenuous display of goodness by those who are not so good themselves, like Balzac, who said that “[m]anners are the hypocrisy of a nation.” Others even elevate a rebellion against manners as a form of art, like Walt Whitman, who said “[t]o the real artist in humanity, what are called bad manners are often the most picturesque and significant of all.”
The problem with Balzac and Whitman is not that there is no truth to what they have to say—sometimes those who act with good manners are insincere hypocrites; sometimes acting with bad manners can be artistically noteworthy. The problem is that they fail to see that manners reflect something about ourselves, precisely because manners are first and foremost about our regard for other people.
Maybe I am a hypocrite when I am polite and don’t say what I really think about a lady’s dress—but she’ll be grateful for the courtesy regardless. Maybe I could make a name for myself by painting a picture that is offensive—but is it right to cause pain and sadness in others for the sake of artistic significance?
Teddy Roosevelt said that “[p]oliteness is a sign of dignity, not subservience.” Don’t be taken in by those who would tell you not to worry about your manners and just express your true self; don’t be fooled by those who tell you that bad manners are a way to make your mark on the world.
Philippians 2:3 says: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Start there, with regard for others, and the portrait you see in the mirror of your manners will be a fine one.
Have a wonderful day.
