Sometimes it seems as though good manners have gotten a bad rap these days. That the vulgar and unrefined is celebrated far more than the decent and polite. Whether in business and politics or show business and the arts, the so-called American nobility seems rather less noble than ever.
Now, I’m sure I sound like an old codger when I say that. I’m sure that the adults in every generation make this sort of claim—but that doesn’t make it any less true. So, part of your education at CCA is about restoring a touch of class and nobility to the American identity.
This Friday, the Upper School students will attend a Winter Wonder Luncheon, where they will learn and practice rules of etiquette and the social graces in a formal meal setting. In preparation for that experience, we’ll consider the notion of manners each morning this week. What are they, and why bother with them?
“Good manners,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, “are made up of petty sacrifices.” They are, one might say, little, routine acts of moral significance that reflect a greater concern for others than for ourselves in the ordinary, daily affairs of life.
Why wear a suit and tie or a dress to dinner, even when it is less comfortable than sweatpants? Not for yourself, but out of respect for your company. Why not interrupt someone who is speaking? Not because of the importance of what they are saying, but because of the importance of respecting their opportunity to say it. Why keep your elbows off the table, eat slowly, and chew quietly with your mouth closed? Not because it is the easiest or even most pleasurable way to consume a meal, but because it makes the meal more pleasant for those with whom you share it.
When George Washington was about 14 years old, he wrote out a copy of the 110 Rules of Civility. That’s a lot of rules. But the first rule of civility pretty much sums up the essence of them all: “Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.” If you only remember one rule of etiquette, that’s a good place to start.
Have a wonderful day.
