Have you ever noticed how young children make friends? A four-year-old will approach another on the playground, introduce himself to the first child he sees, and ask: “Do you want to be my friend?” To which the other child replies, “Sure!”—and then they get on playing with their new friend.
Why don’t older kids and grown-ups do that? Some of us wish we had more friends—why not just walk up to somebody and ask them: “Do you want to be my friend?” and then get on with it?
Although it is good for the youngsters to so easily find a playmate, our friend C.S. Lewis, (and yes, he’s a friend in a unique but important way), explains why real friendship doesn’t quite work that way:
“The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question “Do you see the same truth?” would be “I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a Friend,” no Friendship can arise—though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers.”
Think about your own friends. You share something more than just a mutual desire to have a friend—you care about the same things. And your deepest friendships will be about the things of greatest importance to you both. Now, that doesn’t mean you can only be friends with people who agree with you about everything.
Lewis quotes Emerson, that when it comes to friendship, “‘Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth?”—Or at least, “Do you care about the same truth?” The man who agrees with us that some question, little regarded by others, is of great importance, can be our Friend. He need not agree with us about the answer…”
So let me encourage those of you who would like to make new friends: Don’t just go looking for one—go looking for the truth that is important, and eventually you’ll find a real friend along the way.
Have a wonderful day.